Musselman 2021

Saturday, July 10 was rough start because I couldn't get log in into active.com to get my QR code for check in process for Musselman 70.3 Ironman.  Thankfully, I was able to find my receipt from my check in time from a couple of weeks ago.  So, we took the bike over to check in as well as get my packet and they accepted my receipt for the check in.  Got my packet, Bill put the sticker on my bike, I went and put on the rack then we went back into Ironman Village and did a little shopping.  Then we are head over to my mom's house for my nephew's graduation party.  We visit for a while and then stopped at Wegmans for dinner stuff.  I was in bed by 8 pm because I knew that I had to be up by 4 am.  

Alarm clock went off at 4 am on July 11, all I could think is, "it is race day, it is go time."  I went downstairs made my typical race day breakfast (oatmeal, banana, and coffee).  Then it was time to get the rest of the house up and going for race day.  We headed out around 4:45ish over to Geneva.  Got to the park around 5:15ish, started walking over to that transition area when I realized that I forgot my timing chip, which looking back on it now, where my anxiety for the race started because until I felt ok and still felt like I could complete this race.  

I went over to the timing booth to get another timing chip, then went to the transition area to set up everything under my bike.  Little did that my anxiety started creeping in and started to have doubts especially with seeing all of the people in the transition area setting up their stuff.  I got my wet suit, then over to Bill and the kids to have Bill zipped up my wet suit.  Bill zipped me up, gave him a kiss good-bye, then went back for over to my transition spot to get a quick drink of my tailwind then go to the line up.  

I lined up with the 50 + minutes swim finish because I figured I was going slow and easy just so I could finish the swim in that I wasn't worried or anxious about the bike or run.  The national anthem played, the cannonball start went off and the rolling start started.  The closer, closer I got the start line, my nerves and anxiety started going up even though, I kept trying to take slow deep breath and positive self talk.  I was finally at the start line,  I was given go head so, into the water I went.

I started walking then I drove in, as soon as I came back up I could feel like my hands and forearm going numb (i.e. my Raynaud's went into full force), I told myself I can do this still, slow and easy.  I started to swim or at least tried.  I was about 150 yards in water, and I started to feel dizzy, little lightheaded, and tunnel.  Thankfully, I had made it to first buoy and then one of the lifeguard/volunteers on paddleboard came over to me.  Ask if I was ok, I said, "No, my hands and forearms are numbs and feet are going numb, I'm not feeling so good."  She asked if I was wanted to continue, I said, "I really want to but, I don't know if I should."  She said well I could rest here for a minute or two then I could decide, I think I waited about 30 seconds and said,"I don't want to give up because I feel like such a failure and I want to disappoint my husband and kids but, I don't think it is safe for me to continue this point in that my Raynaud's is getting worst."  She waved over the boat, I explained to them what was going on then took me over to the exit for the swim, I got on the dock and I felt very weak and very very cold.  I walked over to medical because I was required to get check out by them since I didn't finish the swim.  I explained to medical that my Raynaud's was acting up and I didn't feel safe to continue, they cleared to go.  

I slowly walked back over to the transition area after turning in my timing chip, feeling very defeated, ashamed, disappointed, and heartbroken.  I called Bill and told him what happened as I watch other athletes come in and exit the transition with their bike heading out to the bike portion of the race.  Bill and the kids got to the transition area, we got in a little bit of trouble because we lift my bike or the fence instead of walking it around but, as soon as I explained to security what happened and they looked my bike's number and my bracelet.  They told me to not to do again and go hurry up & get warm.  

We walked slowly back to the van with all of my stuff and my bike.  As much as I tried to hold back the tears, I couldn't because I was so mad at myself that I failed and that 4.5 months of training was for nothing.  Bill and the kids, told me it ok but, I just didn't/couldn't feel that in the moment because I knew I had failed and that sucked a lot.  We finally got back to the van, loaded everything back up, I changed into dry/warm clothes, and we went to breakfast.  

Now, that I have had time to reflect on the training, excitement for the race, the race, and taking DNF, I can say that I'm going to try a couple sprint to try to help me become more comfortable in open water swim before I move up to Olympic and Half Ironman distances.  I'm ok with taking DNF for this training because it just wasn't my time to do that distance and I'm not failure in that I choose to put my health first instead of continue to struggle and possibly making the situation far worst.  As the bracelet (my mom gave me) and charm (my running partner) have given says, "she believed that could so she did."  I will continue to push forward and will complete my triathlon no matter the distance.

Max Out Week's Challenges

 Musselman Half Ironman is only 2 weeks away now, oh boy! As of today, I finished my max out week and it definitely had it challenges that I wasn't totally ready me but, as always I did my best to adjust accordingly.  

First challenge of this was I hard with seasonal allergies that knocked me for a loop that I called off of day on Tuesday.  My only thought was this SO NOT WHAT I NEED right now.  I got some Claritin, Flonase, Mucunix as well as Day/Nightquil just to keep functioning.  Still manage to get my run and bike ride in.

Second challenge of this week was on Thursday when I did OWS because the winds were coming out of the South somewhere between 15 - 18 mph so, Kershaw (which is on the North end of Canandaigua Lake) was VERY choppy.  It was so bad that there were a couple that waves were pushing me towards the buoys with every stroke.  I  choose to stay with the beginner/intermediate group (i.e. more drills and short distance overall) because I don't have a lot of experience with OWS and this help me to get more comfortable with it.  Much thanks to Finger Lakes Triathlon Club for offering the OWS group, I definitely appreciate it.

Third challenge of this week was on Saturday, I did a "drop ride"/preview course ride with FLTC and others not associated with that club.  We were just about out of the State Park in Geneva and my rear tube on the bike popped again, UGH!!!!!!!!!! I was about a mile away from the bike shop and it meant that I wasn't going to be able to do the preview course ride with the group.  So, I headed back to the Geneva Bike Shop, I met two very nice ladies that were walking along the lake, which help me pass the time walking back to the shop because I was disappointed and frustrated in that this was third tube that had popped in the last month.  Finally, got back to the bike shop, and thankfully the guy at the shop was able to fix the problem with the bike (there were a few), I had to replace my cleats because they were done especially that walk. The shop guy suggested how to extend my aerobars and how to adjust my handlebars.

Fourth challenge of this week was also on Saturday, since I wasn't able to do the preview course ride, I did a ride from home and little did I know that I was going to have extended amount of time of headwind that was again somewhere between 15 - 18 mph out of the South as well as going to get really sunburned.  When I started the ride it was overcast looking like it was going to rain and that lasted about for first hour after that it was sunny so, I ended up very burned.  I started the ride from home heading towards Canandaigua so, the wind was behind, got to the end of RTE 247, turned right onto RTE 5&20 heading towards Geneva, once I got to Geneva turned right onto RTE 14 (about 17 miles) BOOM the headwind hit me and hit me hard.  I finally made it back to our house (about mile 33.50), changed my socks because I was getting hot spots on my feet/toes and honestly I needed a breather from the headwind for a few minutes.  I got back on the bike and continued with the ride towards Naples probably should have headed back to Canandaigua because from our house to Naples was just more headwind.  I had every intent to ride to Naples then head back to High Tor park where Bill was going to pick me up.  I got just pass Naples Community Park on RTE 245 and my body was physically done for the day.  Instead of pushing through like I normally, I was at the time frame that my training plan called so, I was ok with stopping.  

Fifth challenge of this week was today, dealing with heat and humidity as well as having my water pack that was somewhat touching my sunburn from yesterday.  The up side of today though, I was able to keep my heart rate in zone 2 for about 80% of the run and that's big deal with when the heat being in the 80s and humidity being somewhere 50 - 60%.

Total mileage for max out week was 72.42 miles 

Start to my 40s

 I didn't sleep very well last night, I kept waking thinking that I was going to miss my alarm because today was "pool day" workout.  I got up for my "pool day" workout, I did 1900 yds in 33 mins, which is pretty good for a pool workout for me as late.  I came home drank a protein shake with a banana, kind of let the day be "lazy" (since I'm suppose to be on vacation from work).  I wanted to let myself reflect on my 30s as well as last 21 yrs because I graduated high school when I was 19.  I'm proud of all what I done, BS degree in Recreational Therapy & minor in Psychology, CTRS, being SAHM, WAHM, recreation assistant, CNA, PCT, and now LPN.  Looking back at the whole picture I wouldn't change being at SAHM or WAHM because it allowed to be there for my children at a young age and educate them.   I have told Bill repeatedly, that my "BIGGEST" regret that I didn't go to BOCES my junior and senior year and get my LPN back then and get my BSN when I was Utica because I definitely had grades, ACTs/SCTs scores for it.  I justify for not getting my BSN because I didn't want to compare to my Nana and I didn't have the support to be a nurse because "I wouldn't good enough."  Yet, I graduated with 2.98 GPA (mind you I have learning disability) in 3 1/2 years and those in education told my parents that I wouldn't amount too much because I wasn't smart enough.  I want to go back to all of those educators that said that to my parents and well thank you because of you, I worked harder to achieve my dreams and now I have Bachelors degree as well as being nurse at VA and I'm very proud of myself and what I have become.  

Here is to next 10 years of craziness and multiple changes, i.e. kids growing, kids graduating, possible going back to school again, and continuing to do marathons/ultramarathons and possible more triathlons.

Approaching my 2 year mark of being a nurse

I'm quickly approaching my 2-year mark of becoming a nurse And I'm constantly questioning why haven't I push myself to go further and get my RN.  Especially, when I'm told that I think and act like RN in my documentation (much thanks to my instructors in school).  Yet, I treat my NAs/CNAs as if they are my backbone and trust their instincts because I once in their shoes and I was fortunate enough to have a couple of LPNs that trusted my instincts as well as push me to go further.  I love being LPN and I love working with Veterans BUT, the biggest draw back with being LPN in the VA is that LPNs aren't used to their full scope of practice.  For now, I will continue to care for the Veterans that service our country and continue to try to push those at be to make VA start using the LPNs to their full scope of practice. 

Taking A Vacation

 I entered the world of Nursing and spring of 2017 and since then I have not taken a break I've had my sick call ins and etcs really haven't taken a vacation.  And as of next week I am actually taking my first full week paid vacation and I honestly can say that I am totally ready for it for my mental health and physical health and just having time away from it all and I don't feel guilty about it.  I'm know that I'm training for first Half Ironman while struggling with my weight, I'm grateful to be in a place on my life that we can provide for our family and still be overall good health to be there and present for our babies (who aren't really babies anymore). Next Wednesday at celebrate my 40th birthday birthday and well age is just a number wow 20 years has made a huge difference and what my life is.   At 20 years old I thought I had life figured out and I was going to be a Rec therapist and I was going to change the world and now at almost 40 years old I am a licensed practical nurse and absolutely love being a nurse and know that serving those once serve our country makes me happy. After almost four years of being a nursing between being a CNA, PCT, and a LPN that I need to take a break for my mental health and for my family.  I'm hoping with vacation time I can reinvest in myself and do the prerequisites for my RN degree because I have definitely been toying with that one for the last year or so because we had promised that I would take at least two years of working as an LPN before I would go into an RN program.  I am definitely understanding more and more of why they say to take a vacation and take a mental break because nursing tough and it is not faint of heart.  

weight struggle

 A year + into the pandemic as a nurse, I have started to battle with my weight, which is something that I never I had to deal pre-healthcare because I was always able to maintain easily.  Last year at this year, I started for my 1st half Ironman which got deferred to July 2021, which meant that I wasn't going to meet my goal (do an Ironman/half Ironman before 40 yrs old)  but ok.  I started putting on weight because I lost focus on racing because there wasn't to really for being we were in middle of pandemic and I'm a nurse so, work was my life essential about work and keeping my family safe.  As January 1st, I stepped on scale I was 186 lbs, which what I was gave birth to lil man, which made me so sad and frustrated with myself because I allowed myself to get to this point.  I'm not one for New Year's resolutions but, I decided that I needed to be back to what it is a healthy "racing"/"comfortable" weight (i.e. between 155 - 165 lbs).   As of today March 20, 2021 I have lost 15 lbs through working at least 3-4 times a week as well as going back to eating smaller meal more often.   I'm still have about 11 lbs to go but, knowing that I'm going into full training mode, I don't foresee that one being a problem.   I never thought, I would be in a place where I would be considered overweight so, I'm very humble to be in the position that I'm fighting back to get to back a "fitness" or "normal" weight.  While I know that I don't look overweight, just know that I am and I am working at it everyday.

18 months in

 Almost 18 months as a LPN, I can still say that I made the right choice to go into nursing because it continues to challenge me and I love being a nurse.  

DOWNSIDE of being a LPN: 

• Some CNAs, NAs, PCTs, RNs, NPs, seems to think that we are NOT as educated, yet we are between the level of CNA/NA/PCTs and RNs
• Yet,... we are ones that "run" clinicals, doctors' offices, urgent cares, and LTC floors 
• Yet,.. we are ones that "drop down" to CNA/NA/PCTs positions needed because we are short staff on our or another unit
• Yet,...we are constantly observing/"assessing" situations, skin, residents/patients while belittled by those above/below us because we are "less educated"

I have and will continue to be a nurse that will jump in and ask, "is there anything I can help you with?"  I try to take the extra time to listen to my residents/Veterans that I work for because at the end of the day I'm there for them, that's why I became a nurse.  I make no secret that I have my Bachelor of Sciences in Therapeutic Recreation with minor Psychology because I'm proud of that accomplishment but, becoming a nurse outweighs that degree by ten folds even if I'm "just LPN," which I don't say that about myself because I worked my arse off for that license and I asked a lot of my family while I did that.  I'm a NURSE, and I beyond grateful for the instructors that I had instill in us that we may be LPNs but, taught us to the level of RN throughout our clinical routines because it prepared us to go into the workforce to work as a LPN but, think/assess as RN.  To those that choose to stay "just LPNs" you are beautiful and I have upmost respect for you because you are the corner stone of nursing more than you realize.  

When I enter into nursing as aide, I thought I would be satisfied at being an CNA because I helping people and I was hands on but, I felt a higher calling, I became a LPN and thought, "yay I made I'm a nurse, I can/will make a difference." While I know that I have made a difference in the 18 months of being a nurse, I feel like this journey isn't done.  

Those that are questioning about being becoming LPNs, IMHO: "DO IT!!!!!"  It was the best decision in my life, I love being nurse, and while a LOT of people DO NOT understand what function a LPN does, I do NOT regret a single day of being LPN because I know at the end of day that I'm still a NURSE, that's something to be proud.