As I was driving to work for another overnight shift, yes, I prefer overnights versus day shifts. My mind tends to race and wonder at the same time, which I haven't decided is a good thing or a bad thing. I was replaying some of the conversations on Christmas day at my Nana's house, now reflecting back on the conversations, I feel like I'm in stuck in a place that I'm far too familiar with and it isn't something that I like but, have accustom to growing up as well as now as an adult.
I have accepted that I'm not my older sister and while I know that she is academically smarter than I am, I will always have work twice as hard as her to achieve the grades that she gets naturally. I know that I work hard for my grades and given that my learning disabilities is in reading/writing comp, that I was able to graduate with a BS in Recreation Therapy with minor Psychology in 3.5 years with a 2.96 GPA, I finished LPN school with GPA 3.86, and I finished my first semester RN school with official GPA 3.169 is pretty awesome. I have always been took that my disability was NOT a crutch and I was better than it yet, which was true as long as I didn't out shine my older sister.
A little background, I finished high school on time and was accepted to Utica College of Syracuse University (that's what it called at the time, it is now called Utica University). I finished my BS in Recreation Therapy with Psychology in 3.5 yrs, while being in abusive relationship, having a full capsule re-shift of my left shoulder (May 2001), meeting the love of my life, breaking the cycle of abuse, continuing to finish my education while my fiancé (at the time) was stationed oversea, "walking the stage" and instead of being congratulate was asked, "when are you going to pay back the loans we had to take out for you to finish school." I remember feeling like I had accomplish so much but, it didn't matter because I wasn't my older sister and I truly didn't matter.
In 2016, I received my PCA , then in 2017 I received my CNA, then in August 2019 I received my LPN but, that was after my older sister receiving her RN in March 2019 so, my achievement was lessen because she achieved a higher level in nursing than me. While my mom and nana attended my graduation for my LPN, it was viewed as less as important because my older sister was already RN.
Again, I was reminded that while I'm contracted to level I trauma center/teaching hospital and probably the best in the area we live in, "it too big, its like mall, it kills people, and so on." I left with the feeling, "did I make the right decision to go as in-house travel NURSE, if this is how my extended family feel about this place."
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